Whatever your relationship agreement states, I hope it provides you with a reason to smile and laugh, love and be loved. I hope it’s the reason you get out of bed and look forward to the rest of your days, weeks, months and years.
Life is too short if doesn’t.
Happy Valentines Day!
In 2012, I fell in love with Rome after visiting the Colosseum, Pantheon, and the Vatican; soaked up the Ouzo infused coffee and hazelnut chocolate Italians adore. I moved to a remote Scottish Island I didn’t know existed and explored an ancient castle. I moved to London, and rekindled my love of everything British by lining the streets for the Para-Olympic games, then touring the places I didn’t have time to last visit; St Paul’s Cathedral, the British Museum, Postman’s Park and Westminster. I soaked up as much of Glasgow as I could on two long weekends, and smaller Scottish sea-side towns. I travelled across Scotland, England, the US and Italy via train. I spent a month touring some of my favourite places in the US starting in Honolulu, then New York, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, Mackinac Island, Chicago, Las Vegas and Los Angeles. I did a quick return trip to Australia, and I am on my way to the East Coast once again to live.
My goals this year are bigger than ever. I know what I want and I have more direction. In one word 2013 will be inspired. The biggest goal on my list is to find a home; as a metaphor, a person or a literal interpretation – something that will ground me for a while and bring me back to earth after spending years in the sky.
I hope 2013 is inspiring for you as well!
What is your biggest goal for 2013?
Here’s a list of things I do to find the cheapest flights domestically. I never wonder if I have found the cheapest fare, I am always confident I found an airfare so cheap I can’t believe my luck, or I did so much research I know I got a damn good price. Being a Type A control freak has its advantages but it also helps to be flexible, book around 2 months in advance (more for international flights) and use low fare calendars and airline’s email subscriptions. Supposedly, Wednesday is the cheapest day of the week to fly, if you’re über flexible.
When I worked in the travel industry, I’d ask customers, “Where would you like to go?” and half of them had no idea, vaguely muttering, “somewhere tropical, please.” After a two-hour conversation to narrow it down to the northern or southern hemisphere, I’d find out Mr X hates sand and Mrs X hives tend to breakout in the humidity. They’d end up on a skiing trip to New Zealand. You don’t need to know everything about your trip but at least have some idea about your destination, your dates and flexibility, and the price you feel comfortable with per person.
Australia: One of the most expensive and time-consuming long haul flights in the world
1. Step One
Go to a flight search engine you trust and search for your specified route. Write down the details of the top two or three flights that suit your needs – price, airline, date, time and stop overs.
I’ll be using the route Denver to Chicago and the flight search engine onetravel. A “special” was advertised at $79, and Spirit Airlines had a flight being advertised for $94.80.
2. Step Two:
Go directly to the airlines featured on the search engine you liked. In this case, I went to Spirit Air and found the same $94 flight for only $78. At Frontier Airlines, I found the above $134 flight for $62.90. If you are flexible, make sure you check out the ‘low fares’ calendar most airlines make available. I like Southwest’s as it’s simple – the lowest priced flight everyday for the month is readily available and you could save $70 just by going one day later.
3. Step Three (This is usually my first step but I was a travel agent!)
Look at the airlines who use your destination as a hub. (Read my blog entry on airline hubs) My route is Denver to Chicago, so I would try American Airlines and Southwest. Southwest was the cheapest of the two at $64. The cheapest direct flights so far from Denver to Chicago are from Frontier Airlines at $62.90 followed by Southwest at $64.
4. Step Four
People have their preferences; some airlines have better service, wider seats, frequent flyer miles, they would like to redeem. This is the last step I use to make sure my favourite airlines are not cheaper if I haven’t seen them in the process above. I normally do a quick search of one or two more airlines just to make sure before I book. I tried Alaska $360, American $286, and Delta $165, so I know I am on to a good deal with Southwest and Frontier at the $65 mark. The Frontier Airlines flight is the cheapest by few dollars but I’m not going to buy it.
5. Step Five
Before you book, just make sure there are no hidden costs. This is the reason I would book Southwest over Frontier and it will save me $40+. The reason I am not buying the Frontier ticket is because I’ll be charged for checked in baggage, in-flight entertainment, food/drink on board and to choose my seat. That’s almost an extra $40 in fees without food or drink.
The $62.90 flight just increased to $102.90. The Southwest flight because I get complimentary 2 pieces of checked luggage and a carry on, and they offer complimentary snacks and non alcoholic beverages. Bottom line: The $64 Southwest flight will stay $64 when I go to buy the ticket.
How much did I save?
The most expensive flight on the search engine was $371, the cheapest one I found on my own was $64, saving a potential $307. Spirit Air was $94.80 on onetravel and $78 direct on the airlines webpage, saving $16.80 on this ticket
Frontier Airlines was $134 on onetravel and $62.90 directly on Frontier’s webpage, saving $71.10 on this ticket
At the most I saved $307, at the lower end I saved around $38 – the difference between the Frontier flight and Southwest.
Here are some cool flight search engines:
Fare Geek, Webjet, Hipmunk, Skyscanner, iFly, Jetabroad, Adioso, Dohop, One Travel, Best Flights, Cheap Flights, Zuji, eDreams, Airfares Flights
How do you search for your flights to make sure you get the best deal?
No airline’s motto is ‘it’s our job to piss you off on the ground and in the air’ but they give it a good go. In order to find the best deals, it helps to understand the basics behind airline operations.
PART 1: AIRLINE HUBS
A bird’s eye view: The scene from my plane seat
All airlines have a main hub(s). A hub is basically an airport an airline uses to transfer passengers to another plane to reach their destination. Usually, passengers are flown to a hub because the airline does not offer a direct flight from your desired Point A to Point B.
Knowing main hub(s) can decide which airline will be the fastest and most direct, saving you money on overnight accommodation and lengthy stop overs.
An example
You want to travel from Los Angeles to Sydney – you’ve never been so you don’t know much about your options. You’ve heard of Qantas but there are sales available on Hawaiian Airlines which are $100 cheaper.
If you know some basic info about Hawaiian Airlines, you’d know their main hub is Honolulu International Airport. Hawaiian Airlines doesn’t offer direct flights from LA to Sydney either. If you acted on impulse and brought the Hawaiian Airline ticket based solely on it being $100 cheaper you’d end up paying more – in more ways than one. This ticket would fly you from LA to Honolulu – where you would stay overnight most times due to connection times – then Honolulu to Sydney the next day. The return leg would be Sydney to Honolulu for a stop over and then on to LA.
If you have a basic understanding of airlines and hubs, you would consider Virgin Australia or Qantas instead. Why? Both Virgin and Qantas have their main hub in Sydney and fly this route direct. This would save you the overnight accommodation fee on the Hawaiian Airline flight, return airport transfers in Honolulu and the loss of 24 hours. The $100 you ‘saved’ on the ticket ended up costing you a lot more.
Waiting in Tokyo…
How a similar hub situation can also save you money if you have time on your hands
I flew from Chicago to Sydney with Japan Airlines whose main hub is Tokyo. So, I was flown from Chicago to Tokyo. I then enjoyed a delightfully quick 7 hour layer over until I boarded a plane to Sydney. I flew half way around the world but for my patience and lack of anything better to do, I saved almost $400 compared to the nearest flight I could find. If you think 17 hours on 2 planes and a 7 hour stop over is worth saving $400 (one way) then re-routing in hubs may just be for you.
2 x One Ways
Look online at the ticket you are thinking of buying. If the airline is going to fly you to a hub to transfer you on to another plane and its a pretty hefty lay over, try this;
Find out who uses the transfer hub as a main hub and compare the difference in switching airlines altogether in 2 separate one way tickets. The disadvantage is having to check in again and possibly a baggage fees/and different luggage limits depending on which airline you want to fly. Sometimes, a change of plane at a hub even if you fly with the same airline as a connection requires you to collect baggage and check in again anyway so always check. If you do this option make sure you give yourself enough time to get off the plane and check in for the next plane.
TIP: One way flights are 85% of the price of a return trip. If you can afford it and know you will use it (You can change the return date for a fee most of the time) you can often get a return flight for the same price as a one way.
Flying over Sydney
Try to fly the airline that frequents your desired route directly.
International example:
If I wanted to fly from NYC to Belfast, my first stop would be Aerlingus. They are pretty cheap if you book in advance, and are based in Ireland. I asked a friend who which airline they would start with – she said British Airways. (BA fly everywhere and they are a UK based company, she said) So, I searched for NYC to Belfast for Jan 16, 2013 for both BA/ American and Aerlingus.
BA: Your itinerary would be New York to London to Belfast and would take anywhere from 10 to 21 hours to complete including layover. The price is roughly $1700 for a one way.
Aerlingus: This flight would be direct to Dublin from NYC for $489 one way and for almost 9 hours. You can then get a bus from Dublin airport to downtown Belfast for 10 euros ($17) or a train for $52 and it takes only an hour. This in total will cost about $517 (bus and taxes included)
The difference is over $1100. You just gotta know where to look and don’t buy the first “decent” looking flight you see. Researching can save you hundreds. This means going to airlines websites directly as well as using flight search engines.
Domestic US example:
If you want to fly NYC to Denver, your first point of call is Frontier Airlines or United to compare prices – both airlines’ main hub is Denver. This means they will more than likely fly directly into Denver from NYC. To put this to the test I searched for a flight from NYC to Denver for January 16, 2013 (Wednesday). I compared Jet Blue (a non Denver hub) to United (a Denver hub). JetBlue’s cheapest flight is $185. United was $118.
Save money in the USA: Check out Southwest directly first as they do not advertise on flight search engines so you could be missing a deal.
While Southwest is known for kicking up a storm for overweight people taking up two seats (but doing nothing about a skinny screaming child damaging your hearing long-term) they are pretty cheap and only advertise on their own website. I tested the above NYC to Denver flight route for the same day and it was….$88!
From my experience working your hubs can save your hundreds but not everyone has the time or patience to do a tonne of research or switch flights. Search engines can offer good deals as airlines try to sell their seats cheap to fill the plane, but don’t forget these search engines aren’t working for free so be careful and always double check a cheap search engine flight with the airline’s website directly to see you savings!
Do you consider airport hubs when you book online and trying to get the best price/quickest route?
As 2012 slowly closes its door, I thought I would share some of my favourites from 2012 with you. It has been a crazy year – leaving the US for Australia, then a trip to London which led to living an obscure Scottish Island, a six city stop around the US again, a quick two-week trip around Italy, then back to Australia. Yesterday my visa was approved to move to Pennsylvania for a while, so I am leaving the Australian heat (it was 90 today) and I am jetting off to the PA snow in a months time.
Maldives. My dream destination for 2013.
The last 10 places I visited:
Isle of Mull, Scotland
Rome, Italy
Sydney, Australia
Las Vegas, USA
London, United Kingdom
Milan, Italy
Glasgow, Scotland
New York, USA
Los Angeles, USA
Oban, Scotland
The last 5 Films I watched:
The Art of Getting By (Loved)
The 5 bands on constant repeat on my iPod: (Click for one of my favourite songs official video on Youtube)
New Orléans
10 of my favourite major cities anywhere in the world:
Rome, Italy
London, UK
Sydney, Australia
New York, USA
Paris, France
Dublin, Ireland
Queenstown, New Zealand
Haleʻiwa, Hawaii
Tokyo, Japan
Paris, France
Favourite 10 Cities in the US (So far..)
New Orléans, LA
Philadelphia, PA
New York, NY
Haleʻiwa, Hawaii
Mackinac Island, MI
San Francisco, CA
Steamboat Springs, CO
Santa Fé, NM
Cape Cod, MA
Los Angeles, CA
5 favourite shows I watched repeatedly in 2012:
Dexter (Can this show get any better? Seriously!)
An Idiot Abroad
Big Bang Theory
Life’s too Short (Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant’s new show)
Six Feet Under
5 must-see places in Australia:
Port Arthur, Tasmania (The whole state is beautiful, actually.)
Darwin, NT with a side trip to Ayers Rock
Sydney, NSW
Cairns for The Great Barrier Reef and a day trip to Port Douglas
Fraser Island, Far North Queensland
5 places I haven’t visited but really want too
Cape Town, South Africa
Landa Giraavaru, Maldives (see pic above)
Tahiti, French Polynesia
Havana, Cuba
Athens, Greece
5 underrated/crapped on US Cities I think are worth re considering
Washington DC, MD
Philadelphia, PA
Traverse City, MI
Pittsburgh, PA (Shittsburgh, it’s not)
New Orléans, LA – this is one of my favourite cities anywhere in the world
*Detroit is also continually crapped on, usually by me, and with good reason. The rest however, are good cities with plenty to offer if you can dig a little deeper.
5 artists currently bringing me Christmas joy:
The Rat Pack
Ella Fitzgerald
Nat King Cole
Elvis Presley
Bing Cosby
Something not bringing me christmas joy:
Kate Middleton’s pregnancy. I’m happy Will’s is getting some…but enough already. It’s the day its announced and I’m over it. Next.
What are some of your lists from 2012? Do you disagree with me?
My little Moo
Married for 50 years. USA
While contemplating a small box of chocolates and the hip: waist ratio consequences at LAX, an elderly woman tripped beside me. After helping her up and chatting for a few moments I learnt she’s been married for 50 years. (!)
I asked: how does anyone stay married for 50 years? She responded with an old cliché and 4 words: Marry your best friend.
“Your best friend will never walk out on you or leave you because your looks have faded: that’s not what they came for or the reason they stayed. Your best friend only wants whats best for you and will be devastated without you.” She then asked me “Do you have a friend that makes you light up when you see them? A friend that makes every problem in the world seem insignificant and small? A friend whose smile melts your heart? A friend whose distance makes your heart feel heavy, you wish you had them around to make you feel alive? A friend who makes you laugh so hard even in a bad mood? This is who you should be with. I am. That’s how you stay married for 50 years.”
“Are these rhetorical questions or are you asking me? I asked. She smiled. “You. You seem heartbroken dear, whats wrong? I replied I was trying to get home earlier, I wanted to see my dog who was ill and get away from the US for a while to rethink some things and reevaluate life.
She replied, “You don’t need to leave the US to think about life. You are running away. Let me guess, from a boy? You will never achieve anything if you run, especially to an airport to fly thousands of miles away. He will be here and you will be there. I replied, “I am pretty sure that’s what he wants. But really, it’s not all about a boy.” She put her hand on my shoulder and said, “Leave, but know the further you go the more room you are giving him to stay distant. You allow him to be aloof because you keep leaving. He probably thinks if you were together you’d do what you always do – leave.” She laughed at her own insights not realising how right she really is about me always leaving.
My Qantas flight was called on the speakers – LAX to SYD. I wished her all the very best and expressed my admiration of her relationship she has kept since she was 16. She said goodbye and I ran away with her four words of advice. I promised myself one day I would remember them.
The Glass if Half Empty. Australia
Three days after arriving home in Australia, my beloved Maltese Terrier died. He was 14 and a half years old. His health declined rapidly but he was waiting for something, it seemed. Every day my mother would tell him I would be home in a few days. Within hours of my return his rapid declined worsened. A quick death brought him sweet relief from the insufferable pain of cancer. I buried him as if he was Tutankhamen with his lead to go for walks, his blanket to be reminded of home, his jacket to stay warm and a message from me saying thank you – thank you for being our pet, for loving us unconditionally, for curling up at my feet when I studied and couldn’t play, for making walks adventurous and fun, for not snoring when he slept on my pillow and playfully licking my face to say hello after long absences.
From his long life and quick death I learnt a valuable lesson. You cannot possess: only love. You cannot demand: only hope. While I am devastated he is no longer here to take on mini adventurers discovering local flora and parks and watch him sniff every atom between here and there, I take comfort in the four words he taught me the meaning of: Seek with joyful curiosity. While I may not have a best friend to spend 50 years with, I just lost a best friend I spent the last 15 with. Life is really short. This Christmas, tell everyone you love them.
Has anyone given you any advice lately? (Welcome or unwelcome)
My christmas wish? I have wouldn’t have microbiology lab on Friday afternoon next semester: How very rock n roll. Last year, I wrote a What Not to Buy Christmas list and have since received emails asking for present ideas this Christmas. So, here are some brand ideas, and everything on this list is on my wish list. Most pieces will last a few years to a few decades and obviously, despite my suitcase existence, I have fairly expensive tastes.
For the Gold Digger or the Holy Shit! I Can’t Believe I Scored This Girl, So I Better Get Something Off the Hook:
A Mulberry Handbag (1). These are fairly expensive but quintessentially English in style. They have been the “It” bag of London Fashion week and have been seen on the arm of every English celebrity including the titalating Duchess of Cambridge. They also hold their value quite well and resell for around $800 in mint condition. They retail for around $1300 US. While a Chanel bag might be the Holy Trail, they retail for around $3000. So unless this girl is so off the hook she can’t be caught, play it safe and keep the extra $1500 in yo’ wallet. You’re going to need it, we might be heading back into a recession.
The Globe Trotting Friend or Girlfriend –
Jimmy Choo Passport Holder (2). While more practical than screaming I Love You, this Jimmy Choo passport holder is divine. It’s also now on sale for almost half the original price tag ($295) It makes any holiday sparkly, feminine and stylish. It’s hard work making official government documents look cute but it does.
The Wife:
Agent Provocateur Lingerie (4) is one of the best lingerie houses in the world – think of Victoria Secrets kinkier cousin for a more sophisticated women and not collegiate freshman. The designs are unique and inspired, there’s plenty of choice for the girl next door, the girl who only stays next door one night a week, or the girl you wish you could get next door. I’ve been dying for this bra for 6 months but it retails for 140 pounds. Expensive, but it’s for communal use, right? (NB: She will know it’s for communal use, so you may want to grab something else just for her or she may refuse to wear it as you “didnt buy her anything for christmas”) These pieces, provided they aren’t ripped off her body, should last for a few years with care. 2013 is the year to bring sexy back, bitches.
The Steady Girlfriend who is going the distance (you think/hope)
Michael Kors Watch (5) I brought this watch for myself for Christmas. Michael Kors rose gold watches are stylish and go with most outfits. They retail for around 229 pounds or 300 USD. The watch itself is fairly heavy but with love and care will also last years and never go out of fashion. It also fills the void for the girlfriend who finds it hard to commit to silver or gold (ie me) technically, a watch is jewellery even if it isn’t the 10 carats she wants on that finger. And it’s Michael Kors, it’s not like she will throw it back at you.
The Artistic, Travelled and Cultured Girlfriend
Diptique (7) is a cult French brand with fans around the world. Their candles are infamous for the long-lasting scent as well as their unique perfumes. The berry inspired perfume L’Ombre Dans is divine as well as my favourite, the Figue inspired Phylosophikos for a lighter scent perfume (Think L’Ombre for Winter/Fall and Phylosophkos for Spring/Summer) The candles maintain cult status among celebrities – I find the best three are Mimosa, Gardenia or Roses. If you want an alternative try Jo Malone. Her Rose Bath Oil and Orange perfume and Candles are amazing. (Tip: Search the web. Fragrancex is usually pretty cheap. Prices will vary) If you can find her original favourite first edition or signed book or painting, go with that too.
‘Just a friend’ who is not expecting a gift but you want to get them something neat/small. A work colleague, perhaps.
Try The Rifle Paper Co (8) They sell pretty and personalised stationery, to cute whimsical french inspired cards to gorgeous floral journals to chronicle their decent into madness. I have their notebooks and journals. Hmmm.
“A friend” you have known for a while but want something more from. A lot more.
For a romantic move, try a necklace from Alex Monroe. They aren’t too expensive but are unique enough to stand out and make an impact. You can buy adorable rabbit or bird necklaces in gold which are feminine and girly and have a range of prices to suit most mid range budgets. You’ll score points for showing you have listened. (If she keeps telling you she is dying to go to Paris but can’t afford to go buy her french lessons or a luxurious little french book that will transport her there. Or learn a few sentences your self and seduce the beast. Je t’aime!) The most heartfelt and romantic way to show someone you want more is a handwritten letter. Who doesn’t like a lifetime keepsake and someone saying they love you? Exactly.(The person who writes it after they are humiliated after giving it to them and it’s not reciprocated, perhaps?)
The Fashionista
These Jimmy Choo (9) are to-die-for. If she isn’t into shiny booties (who the hell isn’t?) Jimmy Choo has a range of boots for winter and summer, as well as platforms and ballerinas any girl would die for. The label alone will make her squeal past the disappointment of not becoming Mrs….for a couple of months anyway.
The One: Put a ring on it.
This is going to sound anti romantic and cheap, but buy the ring and ask her around christmas and kill 2 birds with one stone. Besides no matter what else you buy her she wont remember – she’ll be too busy throwing the rock in everyone’s (uninterested) face. This way you can take her out for dinner on Xmas, or do something special and ask her to marry you. Done. Next.
How do I get the perfect gift?
It’s not rocket science. The trick is to take notice. If you love someone, you should be attentive to their wants: Christmas should be a breeze. If she always wears a perfume and only has 1/3 of a bottle left, write what it is and take it into Macy’s. If she is always complaining her feet are killing, book her a pedicure or massage or buy her new shoes. If she complains she has nothing to wear, take her shopping and let her think she is paying for whatever she buys (so she doesn’t buy the shop on your wallet & she will be choosing the style and size so you wont ‘get it wrong’) and at the check out pay for it. It’s the little things that really do count. If you do this, the gift at christmas is only the cherry on top so to speak because you will be the greatest present she has gotten all year. Now everybody….Awww…Now go stimulate the economy!
This year marks the 12th year I’ve celebrated my birthday away from family and the city I grew up in. Since then I have celebrated in various cities around Australia, the USA (Hawaii, Colorado, Utah, New York) Russia, New Zealand, the UK (London) and now in Rome, Italy.
In Rome, I celebrated early by visiting the Pantheon and the Trevi Fountain while taking a long walk around Rome, sipping strong coffee and eating gelato. I had only arrived a day or two before and had not had a chance to meet anyone to celebrate with (as my real birthday would be spent at the Leonardo Da Vinci Airport awaiting a cancelled flight to NYC. Thanks, Sandy) but it was as incredible as it would have been had I been surrounded by friends. I celebrated my birthday with the city I dreamed of when I was small.
In front of the Trevi fountain, I found a small place to sit on the steps and pondered life in front of the great monument, surrounded by hundreds of people I do not know and have never seen before. I have a hunch that this non stop travelling lifestyle is going to slow down pretty soon. I don’t know how, but while in Milan, it was made clear.
The reason I had started travelling around the world goes back to when I was around 8. The desire was there, but living in Australia you have a sense that everything is very far away and it may not be possible. When I was around 12 or 13, I started studying geography and due to many events people will put down to either fate or coincidence, I was led to Pennsylvania. I studied everything about PA history and geography and once I knew it I extended my search to the rest of the US. But while my love for travelling was always there, PA was, for the most part, a metaphor that stood for far off places and my independence. Why it was PA, I have no idea. It’s not exotic as Morocco or as intriguing as Cairo. But there is one tiny town in PA that watered the seed inside of me. It was all possible and it didn’t matter that I was 15000 miles away. If I wanted to travel I could. I just needed to make it happen when I grew up.
Now, after travelling for 12 years, I will be moving to PA in January for 6 months, a small town not too far away from the town that led me there to begin with. And it dawned on me. PA was the beginning of this life, it could also represent the end. A cycle finished. A full circle. What that means exactly I don’t know. I stood up to walk to the train station and in the midst of the crowd, I saw the only Hard Rock Cafe shirt I had seen while in Italy (everyone is very well dressed). I looked at the shirt slightly covered by his jacket. Hard Rock Cafe…the wind blew his jacket open as I stared. Hard Rock Cafe…Philadelphia. Seriously. I rolled my eyes but thought back to the bus trip to Glasgow Airport and how I fell asleep, pondering if I was making the right move or if I should have stayed there working. I woke up just as the bus was parking in front of a shop in the middle of Glasgow called Philadelphia.
Maybe I am on my way to a new phase in life. A more settled version. I’m excited to see the place that I settle down in and the person I do it with – both must be incredible to give up this life for. Or one hopes.
What did you do on your birthday? Were you somewhere far off in the world or were you in the comfort of familiarity?
Shed Your Skin: A person sheds roughly 240,000-250,000 skin cells on an 8 hour flight. What’s even worse; planes aren’t properly cleaned until the end of the day which means you could be sitting in 720,000-730,000 skin cells of strangers. The trays aren’t often wiped, and the pillows and blankets are often recycled. For 8 hours you are sitting in a pool of human filth. Enjoy. On the bright side, while shedding skin at home or in a hotel room, there’s trillion of dust mites that will eat all the dead skin you’re shedding – but you still need to vacuum, you won’t get out of it that easy
One is Not Amused: In the hotel or home, if one farts in the bath tub, the hot tub, spa or swimming pool, small amounts of feces are released. So next time you’re in the hotel spa and your friend lets one rip, it might not be so funny. Or maybe it will.
Clog My Pipe: Water pipes from hotels, hostels and houses are filled with pubic hair. For example, every month Thames Water removes over a tonne of pubic hair from its water treatment plants. It is then taken to a landfill site and buried. I don’t believe you can get off The Tube and visit the site, though I am sure someone is working on it.
You’re Giving Me the Shits: Someone with not much else to do has found that roughly 1 in 5 people pee in the ocean. It’s mother natures way of warming the idiots up who swim on cool days. If travelling to a beach orientated destination such as Fiji, Australia or California bear in mind the organism Cryptosporidium, which causes diarrhea, survives up to 10 days in water. Maybe that explains why you had the shits last time you went swimming?
Kiss This: While snogging someone while sniffly overseas, the nose may drip into the back of the mouth and you may get mucus mixed with saliva when kissing. It’s not the lip balm flavour after all.
Piss Off: While sunbathing in a park in a large city, if you see people walking their dogs, you’re probably lying in dog urine. In London alone, the parks are soaked in almost a million gallons of dogs urine a year.
Hanging By a Thread: Suicide by Americans abroad accounts for the fourth leading cause of death according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The highest suicide rate is those 75 years and older. A suicide abroad is reported on average every 21 to 23 days. From October 2002 through December 2011, 967 American suicides abroad were reported to the State Department. Mexico is the country where more Americans commit suicide followed by South Korea. Perhaps suicide by Americans is so great due to their holiday destination choice – go to Maui. No one commits suicide in Maui.
A Screw Loose: According to Caroline Egan’s 2009 thesis on the sexual activities of backpackers, backpackers on average admit to 2-10 sex partners in their lifetime and men are twice as likely to have had more than 20 sex partners in their lifetime. 61% of backpackers go on holiday with the expectation of sex with someone new. Wonder if the expectation of having to sleep on those dirty sheets for 3 days in a hostel and an STI are just as high?
It’s hard to find a good abandonment story these days but the 3-storey Duart Castle (1367) on the Isle of Mull has surprisingly good kidnapping references and one story of abandonment that is particularly amusing. It’s horrifying but funny. It’s known as the “Lady on the Rock” story.
In front of Duart Castle is a rock in the middle of the vast lake, visible only in low tide. The 11th Chief of the Maclean clan (Lachlan) who lived in the Castle, married a woman named Elizabeth. The Chief decided to have Elizabeth marooned on this isolated rock that appeared in the lake because she failed to produce a heir. Marriage was a tough gig before IVF, I tell you. The chief, naturally, had expected her to drown. She screamed her head off, not literally, but enough that passing fisherman responded and took her to her brothers house in Inveraray. The Chief, still assuming his wife had died, smugly sent her father a condolence letter and suggested her body be sent to Inveraray to be buried among her siblings, not knowing she was in Inveraray alive and pissed off. Her father craftily agreed and asked him to bring the coffin to Inveraray.
As the Chief walked in to the dining hall with the coffin the entire family was in the dining hall eating dinner – including his supposed dead wife Elizabeth for whom he was holding a wooden casket and was planning to bury 6 feet under. He somehow managed to survive and left the castle unharmed. Luckily, karma is a bitch. The Chief married twice more and finally had a heir but years later, while visiting Edinburgh, he was murdered by Elizabeth’s brother. This is what Oprah calls “the full circle moment.”
The Castle itself is more like a historical tour of a family home. Multiple personal family portraits of the MacCleans through the generations line the walls, original clothing worn by family including a wedding dress, original silver and war medals, photos of family with the Queen, dining room settings, bedrooms, dungeons (not linked to the bedroom unfortunately, that would’ve been interesting) and a very narrow circular staircase that gave me vertigo which eventually led to the roof and the stunning views of the lake and the Isle of Mull.
The movie Entrapment starring Catherine Zeta Jones was filmed at the castle and judging by the sour photo of her on the wall she was loving it. Sir Anthony Hopkins also filmed When Eight Bells Toll here in 1971. I spent the last 20 minutes before my bus pick up sitting on the grass taking in the breath taking scenery and I decided to take the scholarship I was offered to study in PA. It’s not often someone will give you a few thousands pounds to travel and I can’t seem to escape PA. (Even my postcode here in Scotland is PA65).
A Duart Castle bus leaves the Craigure ferry terminal with every ferry arrival and takes roughly 15 minutes. The return bus ride and entry to the castle is 11 pounds. Castle entry alone is 5.50 pounds.
Have you been to Duart Castle? What did you think?
