1. Souvenirs or cheap gifts from your recent domestic or international trips: Since 1989, I’ve been trying to de-clutter my life and I am pretty sure you’re the reason it’s taking me so long. I don’t need your cheap weird sh*t from Herzegovena.
2. Underwear and Socks: The fact is, underneath it all we aren’t what we seem. I don’t wear 4 pack 100% cotton boy briefs. Granny, I know you love spending your money on bullshit but please, I’m going to cut the crotch out of them and if you find out its going to be awkward. Really awkward. These are far too personal and impersonal at the same time. And dare I say, too practical and boring.
3. Scrapbooks and Journals: I see you everyday, I don’t need a book full of photos of your mug, by my coffee mug (which coincidently, has your face on it also) which is by my Macbook that holds 3mb worth of photos of you. Plus, I have done the journal thing and I am pretty sure its the reason we are 15,000 miles apart. It doesn’t work. So if you want an island, the pacific ocean and ¾ of one of the largest countries in the world separating you, go ahead. Give him a photo of you and tell him you love him. You’ll be single by lunch time so you’ll have one less present to buy. Guaranteed.
4. Clothes: If you don’t know the size, you will offend them if it’s too big and psychologically damage them if it’s too small. You will not be able to get away with, “Oh you look tiny” when she is a size 14 and you have brought her a size 8 dressing gown. The only thing that will be tiny are your blue balls when she’s finished squeezing the life out of them. People are very specific about shapes, fabrics, colours, textures and lengths they like on themselves and that’s after you know what size to get. Unless she has pointed out a size 6 Forever 21 light gray, pure cotton mid-length sheer striped shirt, don’t bother. She wont wear it and she won’t count it as a gift since it is not in use.
Whats your pet peeve at Christmas and whats the worst gift you have ever gotten?