Sheplers Children Ride Free Labour Day Weekend is a nightmare. Kids love Sheplers (and wear the stickers like Purple Hearts) without riding for free but this weekend it was even worse. Not only were the kids kicking back rent free pondering all the shit they are going to beg and cry for in the coming hours, the parents were unusually happy because they didn’t have to pay. Lovers kissed, wives who forgot which husband they brought were blowing kisses to every second male, mistresses were admiring the boats, boyfriends were posing for selfies with their girlfriend. What this means for me – travelling solo back and forth 6 times in 3 days – is that I’m unusually educated about things I normally don’t care for. I am not sure if what I learnt from the advice-wheeling grandfathers was true and I question how grandfathers know something about everything but now I have a PhD in quantum physics and bridge architecture for the price of a Sheplers return.
Sitting on the top deck of Sheplers approaching the bridge you can see on every male face the same look and you can tell they are thinking 1 of 2 things – If I built that, I would have done this and this, trimmed that, spun that around, shortened that.
No you wouldn’t have, sit back and relax.
The other guy is just thinking nice job. And while the Frank Llyod Wright wanna be wants to impart his knowledge on everyone around him, his wife (unfortunately) tuned him out years ago and the kids he is with just want the fudge he is saving for the ride home. The second guy is sitting there hoping for some peace and then his kids sense it, and start asking a tonne of questions– which is when I sit back and watch the show.
Kid: Dad, why is the bridge so long?
Dad: Because that’s how long they wanted it son
Kid: But it looks kinda bent. It’s not straight. Why is the freaking bridge not straight?
Dad: It’s straight. (Faces wife) Honey, we need to get Jack’s eyes tested
Sheplers Captain on speaker: …the bridge bends naturally and was designed this way…
Dad: (Embarrassed and pretends not to hear)
Kid: See, my eyes are fine, the driver just said it’s bent. Maybe we need to check your hearing
Dad: Did the Sheplers Captain build the bridge? He is like 25, how does he know it bends?
Kid: History books
Dad: Here, have some fudge
Wife: (Peers over her iPhone without making eye contact) We were saving that
Dad: (Leans over and whispers) Honey, shut the hell up. We will talk about this when we get home
Kid: If we make it home, maybe the roads are bent out here too
Dad: (Rolls eyes) They aren’t
Kid: How do you know, you thought the bridge was straight. I’m asking the Captain
Dad: (Pissed off) So every question you have in life you’re going to call a Sheplers Captain?
Kid: Maybe, you don’t seem to know the answers
I was afraid at this point some domestic violence was going to take place. That, I didn’t pay for. As I got off the ferry on the Island side, there are three types of people. The ones who work here and want everyone to part like the Red Sea out of their way, the people asking everyone else how they get to the Grand who themselves are looking at maps, and then those who walk out and say, “Holy shit, this place stinks.” As I walk across the road, I can smell it, I can see it, I can hear people complaining about it and then a little potty mouth runs after me…”Ma’am, watch out for the shit. It’s everywhere!” If only he knew.
Did you ride Sheplers this Labor Day Weekend? What did you overhear?